The Impoverished Gentlewoman

A '60s woman lost in the woods.

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Looking for Mr. Goodbar, a nightmare.

I've been wrestling with this for many years. Always unspoken and yes, will remain so. For now.  I was definitely going to do my blog on what happened to me.  I mean its ME TOO after all. Isn't it my responsibility as a woman, as a mother of a daughter,a grandmother to a granddaughter?
So here goes.  Today this would be knwn as date rape, which makes it sound like a happy jaunt to the corner malt shop that might end in a slap to a face and a horrified,"How dare you!".Sort of jane Austin in converse sneakers. If only.
I was making a permanent move to Boston(after wild summers on the cape). I had just turned no I wasn' t a baby but had believed in the inmemorable lie men have always believed- that what is pretty is good.
I'll just say it. for the first time ever, I was raped. With only a badly bruised wrist to show for it.  It was on a date ( how I hate that word) so you don't talk about it. thats the way it was.  The effect was immediate. For almost 2 years, the only males I would socialize with were my gay friends. I gained alot of weight.I was miserable. My friends wanted to know what was wrong with me. I couldn't articulate it at that time but I guess I didn't want that horrific event to own me.Plus I was lonely.I'm human.  I had an awful childhood. Did that own me? I'm still finding out how those years shaped me.Scary! but trapped me in its web?  god no! I fight that every day.
So do I feel better now that I've voiced that horror? Somewhat. At least my self-nagging has stopped.I can be pretty hard on myself.Someday I'll feel comfortable in my own skin. This is a good start.
My heart breaks for you, Dr. Ford,,good luck!


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