The Impoverished Gentlewoman

A '60s woman lost in the woods.

Wednesday, November 07, 2018

thrilling days of yesteryear

My last entry was fairly grim so I thought I would pick little pieces of my life,shake them out like old forgotten sweaters and smile at the memories they evoke. Thats my life-never a whole piece but little badly stitched up corners. Don't knock the corners though-some are kind of cool.
How do you know its love? No, not his kiss.
First-
In a good place with Rhett, no a glorious place. I was visiting him at his family home in Largo,Fl. 
We were driving through St. Petersburg ,making fun at all the old people(yes,I know.Karma is a bitch).  "Happy Together" by the Turtles was playing on the radio.The Turtles might have been considered bubble gum musc except for the fact that everybdy loved the Turtles. We turned up the sound as far as it would go.we all did this to irritate the older generation because they hated our music so much.
Rhett held my hand and we sang that song LOUD. We looked at each other,full of love and happiness. That was the best,absolutely the best moment ever.  I'll always love you,Rhett.  Peace.
Second-
My boyfriend Vic and I went t see "Beatlemania" in Boston. Okay, I thought I was in love. We walked back to my apartment in Beacon Hill via the common and held hands and sang "Yesterday" at the top of our lungs. It was what I called a "movie set" moment. No one existed but us.
Was it the music of our generation that was the connectve tissue of our relationships? Did we have "our song"? yes. With Rhett it was "Bridge over Troubled Waters" With Vic it was"Your Smiling Face"(James Taylor). So Aha! Theres your proof.
Both relationships ended badly but thats life.  I've always believed that I'm a damaged person but still wanted to try to grab the golden ring. I wanted to go as far as I can while realizing my limitations. The "60's" culture was perfect for me in many ways I remember a walk on the beach with a group of friends in Provincetown.  One person shouted "This is my second childhood" while throwing himself into the surf. "No. This IS our childhood" said the guy I was seeing(briefly,always briefly.I don't remember his name but he had a beautiful white german shepherd). So many of us were lost children.
Brief but glorious and sometimes love. I'll take it.

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Looking for Mr. Goodbar, a nightmare.

I've been wrestling with this for many years. Always unspoken and yes, will remain so. For now.  I was definitely going to do my blog on what happened to me.  I mean its ME TOO after all. Isn't it my responsibility as a woman, as a mother of a daughter,a grandmother to a granddaughter?
So here goes.  Today this would be knwn as date rape, which makes it sound like a happy jaunt to the corner malt shop that might end in a slap to a face and a horrified,"How dare you!".Sort of jane Austin in converse sneakers. If only.
I was making a permanent move to Boston(after wild summers on the cape). I had just turned 27...so no I wasn' t a baby but had believed in the inmemorable lie men have always believed- that what is pretty is good.
I'll just say it. for the first time ever, I was raped. With only a badly bruised wrist to show for it.  It was on a date ( how I hate that word) so you don't talk about it. thats the way it was.  The effect was immediate. For almost 2 years, the only males I would socialize with were my gay friends. I gained alot of weight.I was miserable. My friends wanted to know what was wrong with me. I couldn't articulate it at that time but I guess I didn't want that horrific event to own me.Plus I was lonely.I'm human.  I had an awful childhood. Did that own me? I'm still finding out how those years shaped me.Scary! but trapped me in its web?  god no! I fight that every day.
So do I feel better now that I've voiced that horror? Somewhat. At least my self-nagging has stopped.I can be pretty hard on myself.Someday I'll feel comfortable in my own skin. This is a good start.
My heart breaks for you, Dr. Ford,,good luck!

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Fifty years?    Noooooooooooo!

This should have registered earlier but..I do not know, maybe dying brain cells.  No, its summer and July and it only took one reference to summer of love to bring in sharper focus.  Fifty years ago was 1967 and that was a special yearthat  changed the world for me and mine.
It was so simple really.
I was going to Haight-Ashbury but lacked the funds so stayed with a friends family in Miami (Perrine to be exact). I worked at a steakhouse and got involved with a serviceman (Air Force).  Unfortunately the family was insane(creepy older brother roaming the halls at night) and ended badly with Jim(this is why I hate House of the rising sun ).  I gave up my flowers in my hair city and decided on Hyannis because I love the Kennedys.
I took a train and ended up in Providence RI(1st one in my family to set foot in New England) to await my missing luggage. Someone suggested(some random sadist) Provincetown so in a few days I took a bus to said location.  Other stories on Provincetown so I will not bore my reader.
The point is- I ended up going to Ptown just about every summer and ended up moving to Boston.  So that summer of 1967 lead to my establishing roots in this crazy place for me and my kids..and their kids and so on.
All in all, a good decision I think.  But 50 years?!!!  No way.😛😕

Saturday, May 02, 2015

This is a really stupid story. Or memory.One of the "bubble gum" songs on my ipod is "Here comes my baby" by the Tremaloes. This was one of the cutesy songs that you would listen to BY YOURSELF. I mean, you try to be cool ,right? "You don't own me" and "Sugar Shack" are a few others. Anyway, I was tooling down W. Pensacola Ave. In Tallahassee with crazy Shar in my beloved Dodge Dart. "Here comes my baby" comes on my radio. I decided"what the hell. I want to hear this". Click. What? Shar turned it off. "What the ___?" Click, I turn it back on. ":Vicki! I hate that song. It reminds me of my old boyfriend. Besides, you don't even like Ricky Nelson!". Ricky Nelson? What am I, a bobbysoxer? "Thats not Ricky Nelson, Are you crazy __ ___" "Vicki, stop cursing. Do you always have to curse?" "If its not Ricky Nelson, who is it?" "Um..I don't remember but its NOT Ricky Nelson" "Yes, it is" :No its not ___ __ _-" A silly slap fight ensues while I'm driving (do not do this at home). I drive straight into a hedge on the sidewalk. Shar sneers at me,gets out the car and walks home. I manage to get home myself. We didn't speak for a week. I told you this was a stupid story.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

All of the hullabaloo (spel?) about the 50th anniversary of "The Sound of Music" (50? Gag) can't help but bring back memories of when I saw that film. I was living at Marymount College,a Catholic womens college in Boca Raton. Yes. I did. I attended with my rooommate Carol and two nuns(one the Mother Superior). I'm not sure how this happened. But Carol was their pet and I was her roommate and-oh, okay. Plus, it was their treat. Needless to say, the whole theater audience was very well behaved and these nuns were in traditional garb, wimple and all. After the movie, a second feature started. A terrible spy movie with lots of steamy sex scenes. I looked aside at them and they sat ramrod straight, hands folded in their laps. When we were leaving, I asked them,"why didn't you insist we leave?" and one answered ,"We thought you wanted to stay, dear". Nuns.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Another time, another place.

Midnight.London.1979. I was living in a B&B in Chelsea. A few minutes before it would become a new year, I raced up the stairs,dodging drunken Aussies along the way. I entered the room I shared with 4 or 5 others. Thankfully it was empty. I wanted to have a special moment of reflection. I was pregnant and wanted to make a wish for my child to be. I gazed out the window and suddenly I didn't know what to say out loud or to myself. Finally I just said "I wish only good things". Well, that was brilliant, I thought. But at least it was in the moment. Here I am again. Its midnight, 2013 and this year will bring my first grand-child. I feel just as inarticulate as I did then , all those years ago. But it still seems the right thing to say. It encompasses everything...."only good things".

Friday, December 23, 2011

The twelve days of Christmas

13 December

My Dearest H,
C and I received your partridge in a pear tree today. What a lovely surprise! When you said you wanted to improve our relationship for the sake of the children, I was wary. What a fool I was! You're a wonderful woman. And the private messenger-what a unique touch! Have a happy Christmas, my dear.
All my Love,
S

14 December

Dear H,
The turtle doves are precious! Claire adores them. How can we thank you?
Love,
S

17 December

Dear H,
Sorry I didn't email sooner. So busy opening up and enjoying your gifts. French hens,calling birds,golden rings! C actually does a dance every time a package is delivered. Thank you, lovely one.
Best Wishes,
S

19 December

H,
Weren't we the startled pair when the geese and swans arrived! Its causing a bit of consternation, however. Did you realise how difficult it is to clean up after geese? And we had to give up our bathtub to the swans. Do you know where we can donate them? After the holidays, of course :-). We will try to keep up our Christmas spirit as you have. Please forget us for now. You've done more than enough! Concentrate on your holiday. Please.
Your Ex-Husband,
S

21 December

Dear Bitch,
We're overrun with all of these maids a milking a nd ladies dancing! Are you joking? Both C and I are trying to clear up things at work so we can go to the continent for the New Year. How can we leave all of this mess?
Have pity,
S

22 December

H you Salacious Slag,
Well, we had to cancel our travel plans. Thanks, H! Are you happy now? These lords a leaping are the last straw! They lock themselves into the bedrooms with the maids and ladies. I can't go further, its too disgusting. Our cleaning lady quit(and as I write this, is bringing up charges!). We can't keep up with groceries! We put a lock on the refrigerator but they order pizza. The lords are demanding fresh venison. This has to stop! C cries all the time. I'm warning you!
I hate you,
S

24 December

You fiendish Harpie from hell,
Pipers piping and drummers drumming? Are you a complete sadist? We can't sleep with the constant din. We've run out of food. We can't bear any more. STOP IT! I hate you, C hates you. I'm going to get you, H. Just you wait and see.
Your Sworn enemy,
S



26 December

Dear Ms. S,
I am writing this on behalf of my clients, S C and C E. This is to inform you that they both have been committed to Happydale Psychiatric Hospital. One can only hope they will make a full recovery but their doctors fear it is hopeless. You are apparently to blame for this. I am in possession of all the police reports. Our legal team is working assiduously on their behalf in an effort to bring charges against you. You must take responsibility for your actions. You may not contact either party in any way. I will be in contact with your solicitor. You have been warned, Madam.

Roland Mayhew
Mayhew,Grumble,Strathmore and Mayhew
London